The October money fight happens because nobody ever said the numbers out loud. This page is forty minutes that prevents it.

This is the worksheet Chapter 13 sends you to, and it only works if you follow the order. Do not skip to the discussion. The whole value of this page is that each of you writes down your ideal version before you hear the other person’s. Families who compare two honest drafts have a conversation. Families who talk first have a negotiation where the louder person wins.

Print two copies, or photocopy the student pages, so you each have your own. Total time is about forty minutes and it should happen before move-in, ideally in July.

Step 1 — Student, Alone (10 Minutes)

Fill this out by yourself, honestly, before anyone else sees it. Write what you actually think would work, not what you think will be approved. This is a draft, not a request.

Then settle where it lands, because this one decision makes everything else on this page easier. The money should arrive in a checking account in your own name, with a debit card attached. Not cash you carry, not a parent’s card you borrow, not a balance floating inside one app. A checking account is the only setup where every single thing you spend leaves a record you can look at afterward, which is exactly what the weekly glance in Chapter 8 is checking. It is also the account Apple Pay, Cash App, Venmo, and your campus account all link to, so a phone tap and a card swipe end up in the same place instead of four different places. One account, one record, one number.

Step 2 — Parent(s), Alone (10 Minutes, No Peeking)

Same rules. Fill this out before you read your student’s page. Write real numbers, including the ones that are uncomfortable to say.

Then settle where it lands, because it is the piece that makes the rest of this page work. A checking account in your student’s own name, with a debit card attached, is the simplest system there is. You replenish it on the schedule you chose above, they spend from it, and every transaction leaves a record either of you can look at later — which is what makes their weekly money check take thirty seconds instead of thirty minutes. Apple Pay, Cash App, Venmo and the campus account all link to that one account, so the phone taps and the card swipes land in the same ledger. Decide the visibility question on purpose while you’re here, because a joint account and a parent view are different things, and both are far easier to set up in August than in October.

Step 3 — The Discussion (20 Minutes, Together)

Now trade pages. Four rules, and they are what keeps this from becoming the October fight early.

1. Read each section aloud in turns. Student reads their answer, then parent reads theirs, then move to the next line. Reading aloud slows everything down on purpose.
2. No interrupting. Let the whole answer finish, including the part you disagree with.
3. Ask what’s behind that? before countering. Every time. Most gaps on this page turn out to be information problems rather than value problems — one person knows what a textbook costs and the other doesn’t.
4. Thirty minutes maximum. If you’re not done, put the leftovers in the revisit box and stop. Nothing good has ever been decided in minute forty-five of a money conversation.

Step 4 — The Agreement (Fill Out Together)

One copy, written together, in whatever handwriting. This is the version that settles arguments in October, so be specific and use real numbers.

One person’s reasonable check-in is the other person’s surveillance. Nobody finds that out gently by accident.

This is the worksheet Chapter 14 sends you to, and it is the one families are most tempted to skip, because talking about talking feels silly. Do it anyway. The gap between what a parent considers normal contact and what a student considers normal contact is usually enormous, and if you don’t measure it before the semester starts you’ll discover it in the middle of an argument in October.

Same order as the money page and the order is the point. Each of you fills out your ideal version alone, before you hear the other one’s. Do this before the semester, not on move-in day. It’s also great if you revisit it after a few weeks in the semester.

One thing that surprises almost everyone who does this honestly — the gap is usually smaller than both people feared, and the arguments were about assumptions rather than about the actual numbers.

Step 1 — Student, Alone (10 Minutes)

Write what you’d actually like, not what you think will avoid a fight. Being honest here is what prevents the fight.

Step 2 — Parent(s), Alone (10 Minutes, No Peeking)

Write your honest version, including the frequency you’d like rather than the one you think you’re supposed to say.

Step 3 — The Discussion (20 Minutes, Together)

Trade pages. Same four rules as the money page, and they matter just as much here.

1. Read each section aloud in turns, student first, then parent, then move on.
2. No interrupting, including during the part about what not to ask about.
3. Ask what’s behind that? before countering. Behind almost every frequency request is a specific fear or a specific memory. Find it before you argue about numbers.
4. Thirty minutes maximum, then the revisit box.

One thing worth naming out loud during this step, because it prevents a lot of hurt later. A student calling less by November is not a verdict on the family. It’s what an independent, adult life beginning sounds like, and Chapter 14 says so in more detail.

Step 4 — The Agreement (Fill Out Together)

One copy, written together. Be specific enough that neither of you has to interpret it at eleven at night.

This is the page you fill out hoping to never open again. Fill it out anyway.

The other two Shared Pages prevent arguments. This one is different — it exists so that nobody has to think clearly during the ten minutes when nobody can think clearly. Every answer on this page is easy to find in July and impossible to find at two in the morning in October.

Same order as the others. Each of you fills out your own version first, because the single most common failure here is that the two of you have completely different definitions of the word emergency and have never once said them out loud.

When it’s finished, make it findable. A photo of the completed page in both phones, one printed copy in the student’s desk drawer, and one on the refrigerator at home.

Step 1 — Student, Alone (10 Minutes)

Fill this out yourself. Some of it will require looking things up on your school’s website, which is exactly the point — looking them up now means you already know where they are.

Step 2 — Parent(s), Alone (10 Minutes, No Peeking)

Write your honest definitions before you read theirs.

Step 3 — The Discussion (20 Minutes, Together)

Trade pages. Same four rules — read aloud in turns, no interrupting, ask what’s behind that? before countering, thirty minutes maximum and then the revisit box.

Two things worth settling explicitly during this conversation, because they are where families get stuck.

• The amnesty conversation. Most campuses have a medical amnesty or good-samaritan policy, meaning a student who calls for help for themselves or a friend in an alcohol or drug situation is not disciplined for it. Look up your school’s version together and read it out loud. Then the parent says the part that matters — if you ever have to choose between getting someone help and getting in trouble with me, get them help. That sentence has saved lives and it costs nothing to say.
• The privacy reality. Once your student is enrolled and eighteen, the school generally cannot discuss records with a parent, though a health or safety emergency is specifically carved out. Decide now whether you want a release or proxy access on file. Chapter 15 has the details.

Step 4 — The Agreement (Fill Out Together)

One copy, written together, then photographed into both phones.